February 10, 2012

Adoption Story part III

(Our first diaper change with Miles in the hospital)

Friday January 27, 2012

10:00 am:
We walked through the doors of the hospital ready to sign papers and start the next phase in life.
We followed the pink and blue footprint stickers on the floor up to the labor and delivery wing.
We were welcomed by our couples' caseworker and our advocate for the day, who were waiting in the waiting room.
We were told that our couple wanted 1o minutes alone with baby boy before they signed.
After 15 minutes or so the birth father walked out of the doors with sadness in his eyes and told us...
"I don't think she's going to do it."
My heart sank.
This was not happening.
The two caseworkers went through those doors to talk to her and see what was going on.
We sat in the waiting room with the birth father and visited.
He apologized and was ready to sign those documents.
After 45 minutes of talking with him and wondering what was going on, a man and girl walked swiftly through the waiting room and whisked behind those steel doors.
It was the birth moms dad and sister.
Minutes later her mom joined them.

Our advocate came out and said,
"it's not lookin good guys."

Everyone was instructed to leave her alone for 30 minutes.
No family, no caseworkers, no birth father...no one.
Just her with her thoughts for 30 minutes.
We went downstairs to the cafeteria with the two caseworkers and the birth father.
We listened to them talk about getting a car seat and where the baby would go.
We talked about putting our profile back online.
It was not fun!
When we headed back up stairs I whispered in the caseworkers ear that we wanted to go home.
I said we already know her answer and we don't want to do this anymore.
She whispered back "but, you don't know what she is going to do."

The caseworkers and birth father went back in to see what was the latest,
and the birth mothers mom came out to the waiting room crying.
So...I took a deep breath and
walked over to her.
I introduced myself to her, hugged her and began to cry with her.
We wiped our faces and sat down in the waiting room and talked for 30-45 minutes.
Then the birth mothers dad came out and we introduced ourselves to him.
We did more talking.
Lots and lots of talking.

The caseworkers come out explaining that she is considering placing baby boy for adoption again.
This time her family took the long trip down to the cafeteria and we waited upstairs.
We were starved and started munching on goldfish that I had in my bag.
Even our advocate was putting her hands in the bag for a snack.
Our advocate was great.
Every time those big hospital metal doors flung open she would stand up, and look down the hall for any sign.
Sometimes she would see the birth father sitting outside the birth mothers door, sometimes she would see the other caseworker standing outside too and sometimes she saw nothing.

The parents come back up from the cafeteria and we visited some more.
We sat there vulnerable, and of course I got emotional.
We all shared how grateful we were that we got to meet each other.
Her mom stood up and said,
"This is enough, she needs to make a decision."
She went in that room and didn't come back out.

We all found out that she was looking over documents and things were looking like they might be moving forward in our favor.
I looked at her dad and through my tears told him that
we had been trying for a a family for years.
That we have fasted and prayed for this,
and that we would love this baby.
In a very loving voice he said,
"I have no doubt."

Birth moms entire family showed up to the hospital.
We all just sat and waited together and watched paint dry.
Wondering what was going to happen.
Romney and I watched her whole family interact, we watched her adorable niece jump into grandpa arms.
We had bonded in a waiting room for hours.
We all were anxiously waiting.
All of us having our own hopes for the final decision.

finally at 6:00pm
Those steel doors opened, and the birth mothers mom came out sobbing.
"It's done, she signed."
We stood up and saw a family come together in tears and sadness.
Her dad hugged us and congratulated us.
He did not have to do that, but we were so appreciative of that seemingly small thing.
But it wasn't small, it was huge.
He hugged us.
Our advocate removed us from the situation quickly and we followed her into a back room
where I started to cry.
It had been a very long day and I just witnessed a family ache on our behalf.

We started signing papers and initialing here, here and here.

We were sitting alone- just the two of us in a tiny corner room in a hospital, waiting to go see our new baby in the nursery.
The birth father came in with tears and asked us to please take care of baby boy.
We hugged him and thanked him and gave him gifts.
One for him and one for her.
Originally, the birth mother didn't want to see us, but to our surprise, after she signed the papers she had a change of heart.

Our birth mother walked in the door.
She looked beautiful.
She looked sweet.
She was holding the cutest baby I had ever seen.
It was silent while we exchanged a hug full of gratitude.
She sat next to me for a minute and gave some specific instructions and she handed me the baby.
My hands were shaking as she placed this baby boy in my arms.
And before I turned around, she was already gone.

We sat in that corner room with a new baby in my lap, with nurses telling us how to parent, feed and change diapers.

We walked out of the room with a baby in a car seat.
All the nurses were gathered together at the nurses station with smiles and saw us off.
We got in the car and could finally breathe.
We talked about our day.

And this is our outlook:

It had to happen this way!
Papers had to be signed Friday.
There was no other way it could have worked.
We had to meet her parents and they had to meet us.
We know that Heavenly Father had a hand in this whole process.
We know angels were in that room to help her sign.
We are sure that was the hardest time she will ever have signing her own name.
It didn't matter that it took 4 days.
This was how is was supposed to be.
We are so amazed that our birth mother and birth father had the strength and love
to bless us with this opportunity.
We love them and will be forever grateful for their selflessness.


Meagan Cooper said...

I just finished reading the whole adoption story to Mike as he cleaned up the kitchen this morning. With tears streaming down both of our faces, we were so moved and grateful to hear the wonderful story of how Baby Miles became yours. Congratulations. What a miracle. We can NOT wait to meet your new baby. See you in April!!!

Mitchell Gang said...

Cant stop crying...this story is so beautiful and so is that baby boy!

Tasha said...

You are a wonder, Erin! I love you and will think of you and your new babe often.

jayna said...

Wow. Miracles!!!! And, he is the CUTEST little boy!!!

megan&steve said...

Tears here too. Wow Erin, what an amazing story. You and Romney are so blessed. Family of three with baby Miles!

Janessa said...

I've been anxiously waiting to hear the end of this story. You are so strong! I don't think I could've done what you did. You're amazing and that little baby boy is so lucky to have you as a mom. We love you!

Leanna said...

Wow! What a beautiful story...and it made me feel just how strongly that little guy is LOVED. What a beautiful miracle to be a part of! Congrats and blessings to you all!

Heather said...

Thank you so much for sharing, I've been so emotional over all this!!! I have really felt so jaded after what we went through, which was very close to your situation, but with opposite results. It was so hard and I have really felt like it isn't worth it, but I of course felt that way because we didn't have a precious baby in our arms after going through it all... It's so hard, either way and it scares me!! But I know we just have to rely on the Lord and things will work out how they're supposed too! Having the patience for it is what I struggle with the most! We are going on a trip to New York to help with that next month tho! ;) I'm so happy for you guys and that the patience, trials and faith paid off for you, you deserve it and it will make you the greatest parents ever!! I'd love to get together sometime with you and Lindsay Smith for lunch or something and get to know each other, but you let me know what works best for you! My email is heatherandres@verizon.net when you're ready! Congrats!!!

Powell's Place said...

So touching. Heavenly Father really is aware of everything that happens in our lives and takes care of us. Hope you guys are getting some sleep with a newborn in the house :).

sheena said...

:) there are no words :)

Rebecca said...

oh the tears! what a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing!!

Heather and Dave said...

Erin! Congratulations again, what an incredible story and HOLY COW you two had such patience through it all. How amazing that the Lord had everything come together perfectly for your family. I am glad you could meet the irth parents and her family. Looks like the blog header needs a face lift... "Just the three of us" :)

kthom said...

Oh My Goodness...so happy for you, what a story...when can we have a family reunion?! Enjoy everything :)

Christina said...

I'm in tears all over again!

As you were telling the story at the shower-it was surreal to be "in the baby's shoes" like I am.

So so so so SOO happy for you!

Heidi said...

WOW! Tears...

I am sooo happy for you guys! What a blessing:) Truly! xoxo

Christy said...

WHY do I cry? I know you get the baby in the end...but still! Its so wonderful and heartbreaking all rolled into one. What a miracle. SO SO Happy for you!!!!

Christine said...

Sitting here crying even though I already knew the ending...and even the story! I can't tell you how happy I am for you two! I know the littlest tidbit of your struggles and can only imagine all you've really been through to get to this point. Isn't it funny that it usually takes us looking backwards to see the hand of the Lord in our life. I guess that's why we have to have faith. Faith precedes the miracle because we often don't realize the miracle is happening around us until it's over! Thanks for sharing your story with us! Looking forward to those hikes!

Rachelle said...

oh just stop. i am freaking sobbing right now as i stare at the computer. erin, i'm so so happy for you both. love you.

Presley family said...

I just stumbled on your blog. Wow, what a sweet new little family you have. What an amazing and hard road you had to travel to get here. I often say that on our harder days it makes us even more grateful for the good ones. So excited for your new little blessing!

Sundbergs said...

That is a beautiful story and you both have amazing faith. Your baby is beautiful Congrats to you both!