We were in Saint George Utah for Thanksgiving this year with my entire family. It was so fun to be with my all my siblings and all my little nieces and nephews at once. Because we were in Utah and because we were with family we didn't even think about our profile or thought to check our adoption email account.
One evening I accidentally touched the email app on my phone. But to my surprise there were 2 new emails. Both from our caseworker. I read the emails and rushed to read it aloud to my family. It said that our little couple was re visiting thee idea of adoption. It was very clear that they were NOT totally sure but just thinking about it again.
When I talked to our caseworker I expressed concern of what we would be going through again. But, some how, some way, she calmed my nerves once more....she is so good at that.
Over the course of weeks our little couple had attended a birth mother panel to hear from others who have placed and started working with their caseworker more.
With each update our couples consideration to place was increasing. Not by much but, it was increasing.
As I put away my fall decorations and pulled out Christmas decorations I knew that this birthmom only had about 7 weeks left. I thought about her all the time. I wondered what she was thinking and how she was feeling.
I cried for her and prayed for her.
It was between Christmas and New Years we got a phone call telling us that our couple was ready to do this again. We went back and forth with what to name the baby, what the birth plan was going to be, and what contact there would be etc... We knew her due date was January 30th, so we had been telling ourselves to not expect him until early February. Well to our surprise, she was having a c-section in 3.5 weeks. WHAT??? 3.5 weeks? Panic set in. I started cleaning the cupboards, organizing closets and scrubbing the house. Romney worked on some projects and built a darling closet for the nursery.
3 weeks til the c-section we got word our couple didn't show up to their appointment with the caseworker and history was starting to repeats itself. The caseworker was still confident that the placement was going to happen. Calls were made and text messages were sent but they didn't respond to anything. In an instant the walls went up protecting my heart and hesitantly I wondered what was going to happen.
2 weeks til the c-section there was still no word from anyone. Organizing my home and freezer meals came to a screeching hault. A new kind of panic came over me. My mind was occupied every second of the day just wanting to know what they were thinking. I went on several walks with Magnus talking to Heavenly Father trying to stay calm. We opened this situation up to our families and asked for their sincere prayers for this little couple.
1 week til the c-section the birth father called the caseworker. They were still on for the adoption! In this last week of waiting it consisted of me praying! I found myself on my knees crying in my closet while putting laundry away, I would be in the guest bedroom changing sheets sitting on the corner of the bed petting Magnus, crying and praying. Vacuuming under my bed resulted in tears and more prayers. I had to laugh because each random place I fell to my knees, Magnus would just come lay by me wondering what the heck was wrong.
1 day before the c-section the birth father called and said everything was still "a go". Though no one except the birth father had heard from the birth mother in 3 weeks we headed to Utah in faith that it really was "a go".
We left California with a dog and a car seat in the back. The weather was ugly. The fog was thick and the wind was strong. The rain was loud as it hit the windshield. But something great was on the other side of the pass. There was no rain. It had cleared and there was a rainbow. We had made it through the storm. I thought to myself about our situation and prayed that this was a sign of what was to come. I prayed that our storm would be followed by a rainbow soon.
We drove to St. George and dropped Magnus off and continued north where we would stay with some friends. Friends who lived 3 tiny miles away from the hospital.
The c-section was scheduled on January 24th at 2:00pm. We anxiously waited for the "ok" to go to the hospital. We finally got the call that evening that baby boy was born at 2:51pm weighing in at 7lbs and 7oz. and 19.5" long.
We were also told we couldn't go to the hospital to see him as originally planned.
We were told to be at the hospital the next day to sign the paper work at 3:00pm.
Wednesday morning we received a phone call explaining that the birth mother was in a lot of pain. She didn't want to sign the papers and didn't want us at the hospital yet either.
Gulp.
We rescheduled the paper signing and placement for Thursday 2:00pm.
Thursday morning we got a phone call stating things were looking good and she hadn't taken any pain meds since 2am. If she could hold off from taking any narcotics a couple more hours she could legally sign those papers. An hour and a half before signing, her body was in pain and she could not last any longer, so she took her pain meds.
Which resulted in not being able to sign.
She wanted to try for placement again that night at 7pm. I called at 5pm to get a report but she had just taken her next dose. Legally she can not sign documents until the meds have been out of her system so many hours.
But she just had a c section, when was she ever going to be pain med free?
I asked the caseworker...."is this really going to happen?" she answered "I am planning on it."
That wasn't a very confident answer.
Our birth mother was being discharged the next day so we knew a decision was going to be made.
We had waited this long, what was one more day...
One evening I accidentally touched the email app on my phone. But to my surprise there were 2 new emails. Both from our caseworker. I read the emails and rushed to read it aloud to my family. It said that our little couple was re visiting thee idea of adoption. It was very clear that they were NOT totally sure but just thinking about it again.
When I talked to our caseworker I expressed concern of what we would be going through again. But, some how, some way, she calmed my nerves once more....she is so good at that.
Over the course of weeks our little couple had attended a birth mother panel to hear from others who have placed and started working with their caseworker more.
With each update our couples consideration to place was increasing. Not by much but, it was increasing.
As I put away my fall decorations and pulled out Christmas decorations I knew that this birthmom only had about 7 weeks left. I thought about her all the time. I wondered what she was thinking and how she was feeling.
I cried for her and prayed for her.
It was between Christmas and New Years we got a phone call telling us that our couple was ready to do this again. We went back and forth with what to name the baby, what the birth plan was going to be, and what contact there would be etc... We knew her due date was January 30th, so we had been telling ourselves to not expect him until early February. Well to our surprise, she was having a c-section in 3.5 weeks. WHAT??? 3.5 weeks? Panic set in. I started cleaning the cupboards, organizing closets and scrubbing the house. Romney worked on some projects and built a darling closet for the nursery.
3 weeks til the c-section we got word our couple didn't show up to their appointment with the caseworker and history was starting to repeats itself. The caseworker was still confident that the placement was going to happen. Calls were made and text messages were sent but they didn't respond to anything. In an instant the walls went up protecting my heart and hesitantly I wondered what was going to happen.
2 weeks til the c-section there was still no word from anyone. Organizing my home and freezer meals came to a screeching hault. A new kind of panic came over me. My mind was occupied every second of the day just wanting to know what they were thinking. I went on several walks with Magnus talking to Heavenly Father trying to stay calm. We opened this situation up to our families and asked for their sincere prayers for this little couple.
1 week til the c-section the birth father called the caseworker. They were still on for the adoption! In this last week of waiting it consisted of me praying! I found myself on my knees crying in my closet while putting laundry away, I would be in the guest bedroom changing sheets sitting on the corner of the bed petting Magnus, crying and praying. Vacuuming under my bed resulted in tears and more prayers. I had to laugh because each random place I fell to my knees, Magnus would just come lay by me wondering what the heck was wrong.
1 day before the c-section the birth father called and said everything was still "a go". Though no one except the birth father had heard from the birth mother in 3 weeks we headed to Utah in faith that it really was "a go".
We left California with a dog and a car seat in the back. The weather was ugly. The fog was thick and the wind was strong. The rain was loud as it hit the windshield. But something great was on the other side of the pass. There was no rain. It had cleared and there was a rainbow. We had made it through the storm. I thought to myself about our situation and prayed that this was a sign of what was to come. I prayed that our storm would be followed by a rainbow soon.
We drove to St. George and dropped Magnus off and continued north where we would stay with some friends. Friends who lived 3 tiny miles away from the hospital.
The c-section was scheduled on January 24th at 2:00pm. We anxiously waited for the "ok" to go to the hospital. We finally got the call that evening that baby boy was born at 2:51pm weighing in at 7lbs and 7oz. and 19.5" long.
We were also told we couldn't go to the hospital to see him as originally planned.
We were told to be at the hospital the next day to sign the paper work at 3:00pm.
Wednesday morning we received a phone call explaining that the birth mother was in a lot of pain. She didn't want to sign the papers and didn't want us at the hospital yet either.
Gulp.
We rescheduled the paper signing and placement for Thursday 2:00pm.
Thursday morning we got a phone call stating things were looking good and she hadn't taken any pain meds since 2am. If she could hold off from taking any narcotics a couple more hours she could legally sign those papers. An hour and a half before signing, her body was in pain and she could not last any longer, so she took her pain meds.
Which resulted in not being able to sign.
She wanted to try for placement again that night at 7pm. I called at 5pm to get a report but she had just taken her next dose. Legally she can not sign documents until the meds have been out of her system so many hours.
But she just had a c section, when was she ever going to be pain med free?
I asked the caseworker...."is this really going to happen?" she answered "I am planning on it."
That wasn't a very confident answer.
Our birth mother was being discharged the next day so we knew a decision was going to be made.
We had waited this long, what was one more day...
10 comments:
oh my goodness...I'm on the edge of my seat! Luckily I basically know the outcome, but I'm dying to hear the details! I'm so so soooo happy you're Miles' Mommy, but I'm sorry to hear about all the stress and heartbreak in your anticipation!
And I think I have had a bad month!!! Iam so sorry for what you have gone through. My heart hurts for you.
You are a strong girl!!!! What a great blessing you got in the end!!!
wow! I know the story, but man, I am on pins and needles!! That was such a beautiful comparison of the storm and the rainbow. Chills.
OH WOW!!! Everytime I blogstalk you I cannot believe how simialar and different our stories are!! It's so hard to be so patient when things Yo Yo SO MUCH!! I truly feel for you and I'm so glad to see that it looks like it is working for you! The more I learn about adoption the more I tell myself "Why are we doing this?!!!" LOL! It just has so many variables and so many things that can change, but that's when faith comes in! I don't have to tell you that tho! ;) So happy for you guys and I hope it continues to go well, you are in our prayers! I look forward to someday meeting you and swapping stories! Sarah is our caseworker too and we almost got a baby in October, like at the hospital waiting... but it wasn't meant to be after all. LONG story. Sarah went through a lot that month between us, Lindsay & Jeremiah and you guys it sounds like! I'm surprised she didn't go into labor herself!! ;) ANYWAYS, I'm glad your situation turned itself around and it gives us hope!
Wow can't wait to hear the rest...knowing that there is a rainbow at the end!
Erin. I can't imagine all that you guys have been through. I am glad to know that you have your baby and I know it will be even better in 6 months or so when you go to the temple. I can imagine that the birth parents were also on their knees as you were. I am glad they were strong enough and that you were also. When I went through it, it was about 2 years of crying and pleading on my knees. But I never felt closer to my Father in Heaven and my Savior. I am glad after all these difficult years that you have your baby in your arms. Can't wait to hear more of your story :)
I cried through the whole story. Good thing you took a pause. :) I needed a tissue.
WOW!! I love this story! especially the drive and how it directly symbolized what you were going through! I cannot wait to hear more!
BTW, I have a friend here that loves reading your blog! She totally understands!
well Erin, I guess NOTHING about this whole process has been easy for you guys :>) Glad it turned out so well in the end though! Everytime I think about you guys (which is often lately btw) it makes me smile. GOOD LUCK with everything!!!
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